Writing Challenge – April 2019

This month, the prompt was this suitably spring-themed photograph of a vacuum cleaner!

Despite the fact that I find housework about as exciting as doing a tenth edit on a short story, you lot never fail to produce some fantastic pieces.

Read of for tales that will make you smile, think … and laugh!

‘They All Suck!’ by Laura Mason (*Contains explicit language!)

There Are Just So Many To Choose From,

And Quite Frankly I Don’t Give A Shit.

They All Suck The Same,

And Get Stuck On The Same Old Grit.

Be It Bagless, Bagged Or Compacted,

They All Suck The Same.

From Dyson, G-Tech To Henry,

It Makes No Difference To Me.

They Bring Out The ‘Feminine’ Colours,

To Entice I Am Sure.

But They Need To Get A Grip.

It’s A Fucking Hoover

Not A V8 Cruiser!

‘Modern Technology’ by Rita Dalgliesh

A new broom sweeps clean, was a cliche of the time.
Far better than bashing carpets on the washing line.

Then came the hoover; a great step forward.
Salesman’s patter; his advances flatter.

Labour saving sounded grand; buying one first-hand.
It’s a magic machine; hoover-head gets it clean.

On demonstration I’m dumbstruck; all that muck.
A sky blue carpet’s revealed. I’m mortified.

Here’s new technology; things becoming possible.
My carpet’s sucked hard by hoover head propelling.

I’m dancing with the Salesman now I’ve got time.
His patter worked as well as his machine.

‘Spring, my Dear’ by Rachel Kirkpatrick

Spring is here, it’s time to clear –
The cobwebs and clutter my dear
Dust and hoover. Listen, the birds are near.

Spring is here, it’s time to clear –
The garden & weeds my dear
Clear the paths, plant the seeds then have a beer.

Spring is here, it’s time to clear –
Your wardrobe out my dear
Out with old, and pull out new clothes to wear.

Spring is here, it’s time to clear –
Your mind, heart and soul my dear
Walk, do yoga and meditate with no fear.

Spring is here, it’s time to clear –
Your lungs my dear
Breath in the air out for a walk on the pier.

Spring is here my dear – Enjoy this time of year.

‘A Brown Penny Wish’ by Deborah Redden

Cara hoovers the carpet as if it were a lawn – up and down in perfect lines that decorate the living room with their military precision. No great surprise, you might say, given that today is the first of spring. But you see, the time of year makes no difference to Cara, be it Eastertide or the beginnings of Halloween, she’ll be slavishly scrubbing away, bleaching the worktops until they’re in danger of crumbling, and scrubbing at her skin until it’s red-raw, sore to the touch. She wants to stop, of course. But she can’t, the lines must be perfect. Every germ put to bed. Until then, there’ll be no sleep. No brake from the voices in her head that tell her she’s substandard; a gibbering wreck of damaged goods, as simple and worthless as a single brown penny.

‘The Constant Battle’ by Laura Mason

Oh Lord! It just never ends. The tumble weed of cat hair rolled past my feet, gliding effortlessly across the laminate flooring. The cats lounged and stretched, mewing at me. Like they had no idea of the constant hair collecting I had to contend with. I grabbed Henry. My trusty Henry. We have a love/hate relationship. He enjoys a good suck, but I just can’t be bothered. But today I would oblige and use him for what he was designed.

Thank you as ever to all the wonderful writers who have submitted a story or poem this month! It is always difficult to select the very best to feature here – but it’s a job which we love doing!

Have YOU been inspired to write? Check out our new monthly writing challenge!